My name Ulary, a 23-year-old lady, and this is my story.

My name Ulary, a 23-year-old lady, and this is my story.
I am an orphan; I lost my parents when I was 8 years old. My dad’s sudden demise led to the death of my mom about three months later. My maternal grandma took me and my brother in and we lived with her house with my aunts, uncles and other relatives. It is not easy growing up in a non-conventional typical setting, my brother and I had no choice, and my grandma did the best she could to raise us morally. We had access to quality education and since I loved calculations, I ended up in a science class during my secondary school days and I’m currently studying computer science in one of the prestigious universities.

I came home for holidays from the university because my aunt was having her traditional marriage rites. Aunty Chidinma was my mother sister and the last born of my grandma. I had known her fiancée (Abel) for several years, although, my brother and I had some reservations about him, it was not much of a concern since they both loved each other. Aunty Chidinma fiancé does not stay in Lagos, so their family rented an apartment and with their guest during the entire period. During the traditional rites, I was assigned to oversee the welfare of my aunt’s fiancée (Abel) and his guest. On one of the days, Abel asked me to drop off some items for him and his guest at his room. When I got there, he was so appreciative that he asked me to wait and have a drink with him, which I turned down, he felt so let down that I refused so I decided to oblige his request. He brought out some wine bottles and asked which I preferred but I told him to make the choice as I was in hurry to leave. He suggested a particular brand and poured it into the wine glasses. Immediately, I drank it, I felt a little dizzy, I asked if the alcohol content was high, he responded it was not, he poured some more which I drank and that was the last I remembered as I became drowsy. I was slipping in and out of consciousness and as I felt his hand all over my naked body on the sofa as he had sexual intercourse with me. I did not know how long he took until I woke up later at night tired and he began apologising that he did not know what came over him. He confessed that he had been fantasying having sex ever since the first time he saw me, and he could not resist the urge. I was so heartbroken because I was a virgin, and I had planned on keeping my virginity until my wedding night.

Abel kept pleading with me that it was the work of the devil, I stormed out of the room, I felt sorry for my aunt, and uncertain what to do. He kept calling, pleading and sending messages to keep it a secret while promising that it would never happen again. I avoided him and I did not mention anything to anyone although my brother suspected something was wrong with me, however I pretended until the engagement ceremony was over and I immediately went back to school.

About six months later which was the set wedding ceremony, I would not have attended if it would not have raised suspicions. My aunt assigned me the chief bridesmaid role which I turned down, but she insisted so I reluctantly accepted the role. I executed my role diligently while minimizing any contact with my aunt’s fiancée, Abel until the last night when my aunt who planned a surprise for him, asked me to go to his guest room, to set the gift items, I reluctantly did, and he could not wait to see me alone. Abel asked why I was avoiding him to which I replied you know why. He began telling me how much he loved me even more than my aunt and I asked him why he was marrying her, and he said it was because they had been together for long. I just continued setting up the place just like my aunt instructed until he came, held me down forcefully and dragged me to the nearby sofa, he covered my mouth when I tried to shout and then he placed me on the chair and forcefully inserted his penis into my vagina and raped me in the living room of the apartment. The apartment had CCTV camera.

This time, I was not ready for any plea, I called my brother immediately to come over, he came, and I explained both incidences to him. My brother called my aunt and close relatives. The wedding was cancelled. I sustained injuries in my vagina and feeling pains all over my body. We reported the case to the police station. The perpetrator Abel was arrested, and the case was charged to court.

At the police station, we were referred to WARIF Rape Crisis Centre where I was able to access medical examination, treatment and psycho-social counselling. The counsellor encouraged me and helped me to know that I was not alone and to begin my healing journey from trauma. My counselling sessions with the counsellor at the centre has been so impactful and very helpful. I was taught coping mechanisms to help deal with my emotions and I can confidently say am in a safe space of hope, healing and peace. My aunt also had counselling sessions and she has gone on build a business and into a healthy relationship. She’s grateful she did not end up with an abuser. As at the last court session, the case is going on well and I’m glad I will get justice for crimes committed against me.

We are grateful we had access to WARIF and for all the services rendered which is free of charge. I had access to the group therapy sessions which helped me to develop a sense of belonging and heal mentally and emotionally and psychologically.
Many thanks to WARIF and the entire staff.

-End-
* Real name of survivor changed for confidentiality

Dear survivor, please know that you are not alone, and it is not your fault. Help is available. If you have been raped or know someone who has, please visit us at:
The WARIF Centre
6, Turton Street, off Thorburn Avenue, Sabo, Yaba.
or call our 24-hour confidential helpline on
0800-9210-0009
For questions or more information please contact: [email protected]

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