Adesua, 22: My Neighbor Said It Was Just a Game Then He Started Raping Me
We had just moved into the neighborhood a few years ago after my father lost his job. My dad ventured into a business introduced to him by his childhood friend, and he lost his entire savings. That is a story for another day, but the consequences of his actions hit us so hard that we had to move out of the 3-bedroom apartment into a one-room self-contained apartment in a big compound. My mother started a petty trade with her savings to enable us to feed, while my father began actively searching for another job. I have three siblings, and it is not easy fending for a family of five with my mother’s small-scale business.
My family took solace in the fact that my father always doted on us while he was working, and we were hopeful that he would secure another job soon.
Not long after we had moved in, I noticed that we had several young men living in the compound, and among them was this one gentle-looking one named Nnamdi. We felt he was usually quiet, and we labeled him as anti-social. Some months later, a woman visited him with a son, and my parents decided to ask him who she was. He told us she was his baby mama and not his wife.
Meanwhile, I had finished my WAEC and was waiting to write my JAMB exams. I was enrolled in a lesson by my parents to help me prepare for my forthcoming examination. Some months later, I wrote the exams and passed with a high cut-off mark. I also wrote the post-UME and got admission into one of the prestigious universities in Nigeria.
As I got prepared for my university life, there came the almighty ASUU strike, which made it impossible for me to resume, and so I was home alone. Nnamdi’s baby mama was always around or so I thought until one day when he (Nnamdi) approached our room and knocked on the door when my parents and siblings had all gone to their daily activities.
He told me he noticed I was home alone and suggested we become friends, which I thought was not bad. But I asked him to define the friendship, and he explained it as chat and game buddies, on a platonic level to which I agreed.
Experiencing the Abuse
Nnamdi usually came by our apartment room to greet me every morning when my parents and siblings went to work, and we began talking about many and every thing. He was someone who could hold a conversation, and he struck me as a very intelligent young man.
One day, he came and said we should play card games, and whoever won would send their nude photos to the other person. I didn’t take it seriously as we played the game. To my amazement, he won the first set, and I won the second set and vice versa until we ended the game. Usually, I always won all the games we had played in the past.
Later that evening, I received the photos of his nudes, but I refused to send mine to his phone. The perpetrator saw me the next day and called me a coward for not keeping to our agreement. I felt insulted, and later in the day, I forwarded my nude pictures to his phone.
A few weeks later, he came to my apartment door, knocked on the door, and rather than wait for me, he came inside, pushed me on the bed, and forcefully had sexual intercourse with me. Afterwards, he threatened to kill me if I ever told anyone about the incident.
Unknown to me, he began coming to my apartment room every time my parents and siblings were not around to rape me. He raped me on six different occasions and kept repeatedly threatening to kill me. He also forced me to swear an oath not to tell anyone.
I lost my sense of self-worth and dignity. I began to experience insomnia, flashbacks, and loss of appetite, and I began contemplating suicide. My brother persistently pleaded with me to confide in him because he felt something was not right with me.
My mother also observed the changes and pleaded with me to open up. I think she felt I had experienced a heartbreak from a loved one. After much persuasion, I opened up to her. She was shocked, and she immediately called my father and told him. My father dashed to report the case to the police, and Nnamdi, the perpetrator, was arrested immediately and charged to court.
My Healing Journey
We were referred from the police station to WARIF Rape Crisis Centre. At the Centre, I went through proper medical assessment, treatment, and counseling sessions for free. The counselor at WARIF Centre assured me that it was not my fault and helped to restore my lost hope and confidence. At my last visit to the Centre, I was certified medically fit, and I have resumed at the university, where I am studying to become a medical doctor.
About six months ago, the perpetrator pleaded guilty in court, and he was sentenced for the crimes committed against me.
Around the same time, it was double good news for my family as my father got a good job with a foreign firm with accommodation benefits in a good and safe environment on the Island. It also comes with educational, travel, and medical benefits, among others.
I feel a great sense of fulfillment, and I am practicing intentional self-care. I celebrate myself more often as I take further steps toward my healing journey, as taught by the counselor.
I’m excited about the next phase of my life, and I must mention that I attended the WARIF Group Therapy Session, where I met other survivors. We bonded nicely and also learned new coping mechanisms. I’m excited to say that I belong to a community of people who are survivors of rape and sexual violence as my support system, and this would not have been possible without the great team of professionals at the Centre.
Dear survivor, please know that you are not alone, and it is not your fault. Help is available. If you have been raped or know someone who has, please visit us at:
The WARIF Centre
6, Turton Street, off Thorburn Avenue, Sabo, Yaba.
or call our 24-hour confidential helpline on
0800-9210-0009
For questions or more information please contact: [email protected]